What to REALLY bring to the Area 51 storm

Here is the comprehensive list of EVERYTHING you need to bring to Area 51.                                

  1.  Bulletproof vest.  You ARE going to get shot.  Try to have time to call your loved ones with a bulletproof vest.   I recommend this one from Amazon…

2. A go pro head camera- We ALL want to see you as you approach impending doom.  Be sure to get a study one that can withstand bombs.  This one comes with all the headgear for our viewing pleasure after your demise.

3.  Two-way Walkie Talkies- Look, if the bomb they throw at you just severs a leg, you are going to need to call for help. Don’t rely on cell service or WiFi in the desert.  Get yourself some communication.  Def get the long range ones, bombs can relocate you pretty far.

4. A bible- Repent, repent, repent.  This might be your last chance.

5. Aluminum foil hats- you have to have communication with the aliens themselves if you expect them to help you.

6. A Yeti cooler for your water, it’s the desert, don’t let your water get warm before you get shot.  Plus we think the cooler could withstand some of the bombs, as long as they don’t nuke you, and we’d like the extra coolers for camp outs after your mission is complete.

7. An Area 51 No trespassing shirt.  They need to know which ones of you read the disclosure at the gate, acknowledging you are aware you will be SHOT.

8. Last but certainly not least, bring your ID.  That way when we are cleaning up the remnants of your body parts, we can at least notify your family.   This one is fire-proof so we can still find your name even if you burned to death.

Seriously folks, DO NOT STORM AREA 51.  You will GET SHOT.  While the event might be a hoax, the warnings of consequences are VERY real.  DO NOT BE STUPID.  But if you are, let us watch you!

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